Challenges

So my last post was fairly light hearted. Not a very serious tone to it at all. I am hoping that it was still enjoyable and well written.
There where a number of things that I wanted to prove or test while writing that last post.
I had been thinking about art and expression, and all this talk of contributing to the world. I thought about journalism and the difference between reporting and creative art and where journaling comes into play. I thought about a good piece of art and what makes it so. I thought about emotion and pain and sorrow and how they play into the experience and interpretation of a piece of work.
I thought and spoke of it with P. Bouncing the conversation off of him is quite helpful.
I also really want to improve my writing, and one way to do that, is to challenge myself. So my challenge was to be able to write something with out any heaviness to it, or sadness or turmoil, not an inkling of conflict, and just light reading.
First I want to explain my reasons. I had been mulling over in my mind, the idea that anyone could be an artist, in any capacity, that often art is an expression of extreme emotion. I find that the best art is often the product of extreme fear, despair, anger, pain or any of the negative emotions. I often wonder if it is possible to extract that kind of art and product from joy, happiness, comfort, love or any of the good emotions. I know that these emotions are reflected in some very good pieces of art, but is seems that all of them also carry the sorrow. No one speaks of the love, pure and plain, it is always about the love they had and lost, or of the battle they had to fight to get the love. It is always a mix of bitter sweet. I wanted to test myself and to see if it was possible for me to just write without this need for bad, to make good.
I have also been thinking a lot about the difference between journalism and journaling. Anyone can write their opinions, or what they view as life, from day to day. Journalism is suppose to report. To look at a situation, and just relay a factual report of what is happening at that moment. Sure a journalist wants to present these facts in such a way that it will capture more emotion than their competitive colleagues. The emotion can not belong to them though. Once a journalist gives of themselves, it becomes emotional journalism. That is when it changes from journalism to art, an expression of yourself. I thought a lot about this and what could possibly be wrong with that? The problem is that it turns the world into a narcissistic, I am sad hear me cry society. The wonderful thing about journalism and reporting, is that we can all have the objective view of a situation and then come to our own conclusions.
What does this all mean to me? What does this mean to my blog? I don't want this to become just some cathartic exercise, in which I pray on other peoples insecurities, and commonalities, and feed on their pats on the back for touching them so deeply with my narcissism. Being able to communicate empathy, sympathy, kindness or pain is not a gift. Doing something about it and bringing it to the world, so that they can, not just participate in the feeling, but in the resolution, is where the real gift is.
It has taken me forever to write this post. I really have, in the spirit of trying to improve myself, tried to make this a well written piece. I have so much more to say, but I am so tired.
Let me wrap up by saying I did not find my G.G. headstone or plaque. We, P. A. and I made the trip to the cemetery, but it was covered with snow so we didn't find her spot. I have found a genealogy website that I have become addicted to. This means that I procrastinate quite a bit more than I should but it is just sooo good. I will have a large blog to write tomorrow.  There is more that I have found about my maternal side of the family and it is going back from me 5 or 6 generations. Which when I think about the fact that there are currently 5 generations alive is not that big a feat for anyone.
So I am choosing to procrastinate tonight, specifically I will not let you know what I have found in the genealogy department, I am not going to update my list of things to do, and I am not going to write about my adventure yesterday. I will say goodnight and sleep well. Tomorrow I will have a full blog again.

Oh Happy Day!

Yes, yes. I missed an entry last night, but what a reason I had for it. I was not too tired. I was not overwhelmed, a piano did not fall on me.
What a great day, it was one of those wonderful days that could have been horrible but was not and that is not the only reason it was a good day. I headed out to the court house in the morning to pick up some documents. I thought the baby would wail and fuss most of the way, because she threw both her bottle and soother on the floor just as we were getting on the highway.
This is usually cause to pull off at the next exit and then rip the car apart like border guards, to find the soother. This is a game A. will play in the back seat when she is bored. I pack everything in the car and ensure that she has her bottle, blankie, and soother before we set off. A (only if she is bored or tired) will toss them away one by one, squealing and whining after each toss. Letting me know that she has accomplished this and then focusing her attention on the next item. You know, when she tosses everything withing the first 10 minutes, you are going to be stopping a lot on the way. Unless you have headphones to drown out the crying, but I would never do that while driving a car.
The government offices were packed with people I ended up being there for two hours just people watching. A tall man with long white hair in a ponytail and a fairly rotund belly caught the attention of A. For some reason she liked the look of him, and kept squealing, "Hiya, hiya.".
He answered her a few times, gave the obligatory,"what a cutie". Then of course had to go about the rest of his day chasing down files and whatever that sort of people do there. I wondered if they were another species, not quite file clerks, not just everyday people though either. There were about 10 of them at the court house. These people knew what they were doing. They didn't have the constant look of confusion on their faces that the lady beside me or man on the other side of me had. They all seemed to know each other by first name. They never sat down and they all had huge amounts of files, I am positive they were not lawyers or even assistants. They hovered around the various wickets and  new all of the file clerks by name. They seemed to all be that kind of person who speaks a little to loudly so that people around them can see how witty they are. It was an interesting couple of hours of people watching.
The baby who won't fall asleep anywhere else other than her own bed even if you drugged her, fell asleep at the court house in her stroller about an hour and a half into our wait. I didn't even use an anvil or sledge hammer to put her to sleep. I got my documents and off I went.
I was able to drop by for a short but pleasant visit with R on the way home and play with M for a short while. I got home on time for the kiddies to get off the school bus and they all had a great day. I was begining  to think that I was dreaming, or had walked through the looking glass. We had a lovely dinner the kids were all well behaved, so then I started thinking I have not walked through the looking glass, someone has kidnapped my children and replaced them with aliens. That was not the case either though because at one point little S. walked by me and phoooeey! The smell was all S.
So now on to my excuse for not writing last night. The most wonderful moments of my day were the last two hours. Sitting on the couch with P. He started doing a little research into our family on my Grandmothers side and there was quite a bit of information that was fun and exciting to find.
I moved from the couch to my desk to take over the research and found some really interesting information and I am feeling so good about seeing these things in print. I am so excited about going to look for head stones tomorrow. I really hope that my G.G. did have a head stone. I think they may have been too poor for it. Any way have a great day and I am hopefully going to have time to get another post in later tonight.

In Omnipotence

Well I have been true to myself, not only blogging, but sifting through the bits, and planning. The place that I have been lead to, has caused a lot of self reflection. I have come to the conclusion that I want to make my mark in the world. I also have a huge drive to find out more about my family and am going on a hunt for information. This weekend I am going to London to find where my great grandmother is buried. Wish me luck. As I mentioned in yesterdays blog I feel these ebbs and flows of drive and creativity and they always seem to leave me with unfinished business, so before I can truly move forward I must go back. As I began to review my old tid bits I found a bit of poetry that I wrote quite some time ago, but the feelings I had when I wrote it are strong. The drive and determination it gave me while I wrote it are still present in my head and heart. As I reviewed it today, I noticed that even though I am the author of this poem I felt like I read more into it this time than I did when I first wrote it. How is that possible?
No matter what it is that we read, view, or experience. The how of what we take from it, and where we find meaning are totally, and completely, dependent on the person and their position in life. In music, one person in a happy relationship will find a song's lyrics to be a lovely ballad, while a person in a tumultuous relationship may take the same lyric's to signal change, and yet to another person just coming out of a bad relationship, those same lyric's could be a lament, or painful.
I am going to publish here a poem of mine. I remember writing it. At the time I was filled with pain, and anguish. It was not over a personal matter. I was tortured by the thought of some of the violence, and suffering, I had been seeing children all over the world going through, and I felt helpless to make any changes.
Now as I read the poem tonight, it gave me a feeling of enlightenment, hope and encouragement. Even though I remember how I felt when I wrote it, I have totally different feelings about the poem. Which leads me to believe that a theory I have about mental illness is more correct than incorrect. (I will have to add this to my project list for next Sunday.)
Give the poem a read, leave a comment and let me know how the poem made you feel.

And shattered dreams may be cliché.

Then why do the hammers go on their sprees of shattering?

To eat and breathe are not enough,

not enough for me.

For such a meek existence is to suffocate my soul;

drowning in mediocrity.

Life’s dreams so unattainable,

the fault is so unknown.

To strive and struggle;

to not achieve.

A sorrow upon me so great.

A boulder of need versus true living.

Beaks squawking to be fed;

a million tons of food that dreams cannot buy,

Only mediocrity and normalcy.

Upon a deathbed with no remorse my creativity will abound;

and in the heavens will then I see, my dreams mended, where only the lord, who has no need, can lay his eyes upon it.

In Omnipotence neither here nor there.

Does it matter what one wants?

To really love with passion.

To assign ones time to life,

with others not burrow into one self.

Is one, one at all?

Or many…

Others creeping from the past,

the vast valley of knowledge, create light not shadow.

Hate not love keeps things turning,

and one self yearning.

Loves wishy-washy permissiveness,

allows for quiet retreat.

Hate of oppression, shame, and poverty, keeps the capitalists earning

Not love for those they are providing for.

Love allows; hate prevents

How to use them…

you must reflect? 

Good night

If I stop learning it means I am dead.

I am at this wonderful point in my life right now. I am content with my family and friends. I feel satisfied, and blessed, but stagnant. I am realizing as I blog, that I wanted to complete all of my unfinished projects, and I was procrastinating. When I think about those projects, they are what propels me through life. Those projects that I started, were all learning experiences, and started at the most creatively productive times in my life, or saddest most stressful times. This is what my life is for and about. Everyone is gifted in some way or another my gifts are expressed when I am being creative. At some point in my life, through my creations I will help, inspire, and make the world better for having been here.
Yesterday I mentioned in my blog that even as a child I felt like I needed to be doing something. That I felt like time was running out, and I was going to miss something. I think that is what it was. I was afraid to miss the opportunity to give something to the world. To be able to contribute and make my presence here a valuable thing. I don't want to be forgotten, I don't want to take as much as I can from life, without knowing that I also gave.
I can't give to the world if I don't know what is going on in it and I can't know what is going on in the world without learning. So life is like a generous circle of knowledge and guidance. I learn, I teach, I take, I give. If I continue to do this in all aspects of my life, religion, family, work, world issues, local issues, and expression of emotion I will have achieved what I want to do.
Being productive all the time is not possible for your mental and physical health, it ebbs and flows like a tide. I am searching and that will never stop, I never want to become complacent and passive in my own life. I want, and need to challenge and push the limits of my understanding, so my personal circle grows continuously. Thank goodness I have this drive or curiosity, an uncomfortable realization that I have not really accomplished anything in a while, naturally pop up from time to time.
I find everyone gets complacent, I often use to blame it on being overwhelmed with work or kiddie stuff, or both. Now I realize it is not being complacent it is just balance. I can't be pouring out creative wonderful product all of the time, there is a time where I must sit back and although I am busy with other things, I am also taking in so much from the rest of the world. It may be the news, or a story I have heard from a friend. It may be a landscape I drive past, or a certain way one of my children looks at me. There is always something to be learned and that often translates into my wanting to share the way I view it, an inspiration.
The idea is to give. Your audience may be large, it may be small, but to give is the greatest feeling in the world, it is almost selfish, but if it makes someone elses life better it must be good.
A review of what I have going on.
Writing projects
Art (painting) (crochette)
Developing womens workshop
Journalism (2 articles)
Genealogy projects
Religious study
Upgrade Grammar spelling and composition skills
I hope I inspire everyone who reads my blog. I hope everyone is inspired to embrace their gifts, develop their skills, and touch someone.
"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give" Kahlil Gibran

Is it a discipline?

Ted Harrison, Clara Hughes, Tragedy in the Mediterranean, Diaspora, David Idlout. What do all of these things have in common?  The various topics that were touched on,  and had my head spinning at one point or another on the radio. I had this grand influx of knowledge and huge erruptions of emotion as the various stories were told. I thought to myself I really need a way to organize all of this. I have listed so many unfinished projects and there are still more, and I am finding because the blog is always in the back of my mind, I am always trying to organize my thoughts and think of the most enticing, exciting way to put them into print. Everyday, I think of more. I am introduced to new ideas, new thoughts and opinions about other peoples ideas. I am stumbling over my thoughts right now I don't know what to write about. There is just too much.
I should tell you that all of the names, news and ideas on the radio today, were new to me, except for Haiti and of course the Prorogation. I loved it but was overwhelmed with it. I would have been quite happy to have parked somewhere. To just sit and take notes while listening to the news and different programs.
There were so many moments that a news report or guest speaker would say something and it would lead to a flood of thoughts that flowed down a large hallway, and in that hallway a number of doors opened up along the way. This filled my head with ideas and thoughts, some partial and some complete.
How am I possibly going to organize these thoughts? A few of them I was able to jot down on an envelope I had floating around in the car, and some I was able to jot down in my blackberry. There were so many branches that kept erupting from some idea or thought, it was impossible to keep up with them while I was driving.
So what am doing? Am I blogging just about stuff? Stuff I hear on the radio? Stuff I think or feel? Even when I was a little girl I remember probably being around 5 or so and feeling a need to do something. I remember an urgency, a fear that I would run out of time. I don't know what for, I don't know what I wanted to do. I just remember feeling a need to write things down, a need to accomplish things. I always wanted to do something Grand and Good. I just didn't know what. Funny enough I am still feeling the same way and have done so all my life.
I have done some pretty wonderful things. The most important I think would be having and raising my children. At different points in my life I have gone on quests and embarked on journeys. The one thing I have always come back to, and seem to be able to accomplish something with, while having other people share in the enjoyment of it, has been writing and art.
I have never had any formal training and it shows in some cases severely. It has inhibited my willingness to share my work with people. Sometimes holding me back from even putting it on paper. Then there is the organization thing. How do you organize a whole lifetime of thoughts when you have not lived a lifetime?
I think I am a great thinker, I think of so much and I am a wonderful story teller. When it comes to the technical side of writing, I am missing more than a few basics.
I guess I am wondering where the art should give way for discipline. If you can organize all of those thoughts that you gather everyday and you are not just placing someone's ideas into your work but actually living and creating new ideas does it matter that you can't spell? Of course! If you are capable of evoking emotion and having someone smell a peach in one of your stories, does it matter if you are not grammatically correct? Of course it does! It does not matter how wonderful your stories are. It does not matter if you could make them cry, or laugh because they won't make it through the first few sentences if it is a struggle to read.
I will add to my list of things to do, and unfinished projects, a way to polish myself up. Once I organize these thoughts I will have so much to do, and write, and blog. I want it to get across to a fair audience, in the easiest way possible.

I spoke too soon.

So, after being so proud of myself for not skipping a day I skipped a day. Surprised? Ha ha yeah, me neither. I had such good material yesterday too.
As my dear P. said today though,
" it is a blog about procrastination, so what would you write about if you never procrastinated again?"
So let me explain and rationalize my delayed post and just get on with it.
We wanted to have a really good family weekend, with all the kiddies, something we could do together that would appeal to everyone. So we had a bit of shopping and we had a tea party for one of the kids and her friends, then we had to start getting ready for a Robbie Burns dinner that we had been invited to. So the kids had pizza and a movie.
P. and I had neeps, tatties, mushy peas and of course Haggis. Shortbread and oatcakes for desert, I was well fed and the company was wonderful. We celebrated in the home of friends, a high Victorian home decorated with tartan. Lots of men in kilts and women in tartan. Plenty of scotch flowed, though I was too timid to try it, fearing the burn and the high that I am sure would accompany even the smallest finger.  The haggis was piped in, with our host doing the honors of playing. The   Address to a Haggis.    was recited well, and with appropriate drama. The honor of slicing open the Haggis was theatrically accomplished by a dear friend, and it was so well enjoyed by everyone. We stayed well into the night, and had an hours drive home. I had some wine and some Drambuie throughout the evening so when we got home, I went to bed not to my computer. Shamefully, I must add for not having taken the time to put my blog to bed. 
I was worried that the ideas I had pop into my head a few times during the day, would leave my head as quickly as they had popped into it, I was wrong. It is all still there.
God, Religion, Faith, it was all still there. The early part of my day took us to a church we had never attended before. Although it is a Christian church, it is not the same faith for either of us or the kids. It was a different view of leadership and fellowship and community.
I have been thinking a lot about my faith and religion lately. Thinking about the differences between religions, and how silly some of the differences are. They are really so minute, and most religions have more in common than they have differences P. and I speak about this often. It is sad that those differences cause so much violence and destruction. Churches and faiths just keep splitting and parting ways and regrouping, so that their resources are so stretched they are useless, unprepared to do what religion and faith are suppose to do. So many people go on a search for their faith, so many lost lambs looking for a shepherd. I know so many people looking for something to have faith in. My last post was about living in the present; about having a moment and holding it for as long as time would allow it to be a moment. My daughter R. read my blog and it inspired her to send me a quote from the book she is reading, which she finds very inspiring. The book is "Eat Pray Love" Elizabeth Gilbert, the quote, "There's a reason they call God a presence - because God is right HERE, right NOW. In the present is the only place to find Him, and now is the only time." It is a wonderful thing for me to see that my writing is inspiring on any level, but to have it inspire those nearest and dearest to me is the largest compliment, and benefit I could possibly get out of blogging. I love writing, I love the journeys that the quest for new materials takes me on. I love my life. 
Today was a wonderful day and all of the kiddies were well engaged to the very end, we finished our weekend at the community pool, swimming together and now I am happy to say everyone is tucked in and delivered and I am ready to go to bed, having put my blog to bed.

Missed it again. What you ask? The present of course!

How often I get so wrapped up in things that I forget what day it is even. Seasons pass, holidays, birthdays, bill payments, and pay cheques. All of these things come and go, I will anticipate and pine for holidays and even a season to come; just as we are starting one I want to be in the next. How many of us in the dead of winter, are waiting for springs first kisses, and get excited to see buds on the trees; how many of us in the heat of summer are anxiously waiting for that first leaf to turn and the first snow to fall. Here we are just out of the Christmas season. I am planning my Lent and Easter. Lent does not start for another 29 days. For some reason I love to dream about the next holiday or event, I will plan it all out in my head then on paper, then with list after list until I think I have it perfect. I enjoy it so very much. What I don't understand about how my head works, is why I don't take time to enjoy the now?  Why am I always running off to the future, when there is so much here and now, to dive into the moment instead of chasing after what hasn't happened. I think its because our expectations and fantasies are always much more than our reality, on a grand scale. I don't mean this in a bad way, for instance, when I am sitting at a holiday table looking out at my whole family, I think of ideas for the next holiday, it's not that this one was bad, more so that it is such a wonderful feeling that I want to make the next one so much better. I guess it would be smarter and more prudent, instead of always trying to improve, to take a moment and burn it into my head. Inhale it, savor it. The moments pass far too quickly, and it is almost painful to look back at memories I do have, and realize that it will never come back. I think that is almost as much of a reason for planning before something is over, and moving on to the next thing on the planning agenda as anything else. Anticipation for moments, the build up of excitement and joy. It seems like I am stretching them out. Once the moment is there you know you are going to experience it and then it is gone before you are able to comprehend it even was. I guess the passion of planning arranging and fixing, is really an attempt at altering time and keeping the present from becoming the past. 


"There is no measuring how quickly things turn into the past,becoming simply a memory." Stephanie Macleod  


P.S.
Wooohooo, have not skipped a day yet!

Sometimes it's big and sometimes it's small.

Most of the time I like to do things myself, I often think that I may burden someone if I ask them for help, or if I get things wrong then I don't have to worry about confronting another person it is just myself and I have only myself to be angry with. Everyone has pet peeves, annoyances and irritations. Some of them are smaller and some people seem to live in their own world so outside actions do not affect them. For me I often get irritated and annoyed about something I have done myself. It is often because I have procrastinated and made a situation into something it should not have been. Today was one of those days. I had put off helping my daughter O. with a speech because it was far off and because I didn't think she really needed my help, it seemed like she was doing well with it. Today I actually took a look at the outline the teacher gave her, and she is going to have to start her speech over. I feel bad for her because she asked me for help repeatedly and I brushed her off telling her to just get to work on it. That is one of those things that I would get really angry at someone else for doing. Poor O. her mom is the reason she has to do twice the work. Later in the evening R. and M. came over, I have wanted to take pictures of the two of them together for so long and tonight was very quiet so I started and was having fun and they were very natural pictures. But I ran out of room on my card, so my procrastination comes back to bite me in the butt. I could not continue with the pictures because M. was getting tired and it would have been time for them to leave by the time I emptied the card. I was upset but I can't waste time worrying about it. I carried on and we had a pleasant visit. I just finished clearing off the memory card on my camera, I didn't put it off again. I have a feeling in the next few months as a reformed procrastinator, I will have a lot of loose ends whip around and catch me. I will find it more annoying, and noticeable now that I am actively trying not to procrastinate. So far nothing has been terribly big, I really hope I don't run into anything. I hope all of my found jobs and mishaps due to procrastination are small.
I am doing fairly well catching up on old stuff no where near complete but certainly dedicated. I am now going off to bed but I will leave you with a quote by Fred Brooks "How does a project get to be a year behind schedule? One day at a time.

Maybe not everything is a task to be completed.

 I am always thinking that I  have a lot of things to say. I also believe that not much of what I say is particularly  important to anyone. I am afraid to come across as a know it all. That does not keep me from speaking, most certainly when people would rather not have my two cents. It is always after I have spoken that I think, maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, or maybe they already knew that. Thus the title of the blog, it is not because my singing is terrible or because I have some secretive vice that I will eventually reveal. It is simply that although I believe I have a lot to say, and that most of it is helpful, informative, educational, or much needed, I more often than not after speaking, feel I should possibly have kept my opinion to myself.
I remember being very young and getting in trouble repeatedly for speaking up or out, and also getting in trouble for not speaking on some occasions that I should have.
I sometimes start a conversation on a topic that I know a lot about, but then once in a conversation about it, I run into trouble because although I know what I am talking about and what I am thinking, I couldn't explain it correctly if someone were to offer me money.
So having a blog was a great outlet for my voice, my vice. A person may take it or leave it. I can say what I want, what I believe and my opinion and if someone chooses to read it that is great and if they don't, well then I don't have to worry that I have just held someone captive, who literally needed rescue or escape because they were not engaged or just not interested in what I had to say and too polite to speak up and excuse themselves.
For me this is a horror. I want people to like, no love, what I write. I would not want someone to read my work because of a feeling of obligation. I really do want to engage people and impress them with interesting and different views of the world.
Having said that I am touching on a topic today that scares many people away. The reason I write about it even though it may narrow my audience, is because it is such a big part of my life and such an important part of many peoples lives. I am talking about religion, and faith. In particular the Roman Catholic faith. I was speaking to my daughter R. yesterday and we spoke about a book she has been reading and wanted me to read it's called "Eat Pray Love" the author is Elizabeth Gilbert. The book is about a womans journey to find herself and develop her faith. I have not read it yet but I think I will. This reminded me of a project/journey that I started about 10 or so years ago. Looking for answers in my life and my faith. I wanted to study Catholicism and what it meant to me. I knew what I believed, I just had to be able to put it in words. I wanted to be able to back up what I said, and believed, in a theologically sound, well educated and sophisticated way. Once again trying to turn my voice into something used for good instead of it being my vice.
P and I had a conversation last night about the rosary and how it is used and I told him that my favorite prayer was St. Patrick's prayer or the Breastplate Prayer. We spoke about the mysteries of the rosary, and once again as I was trying to explain them to him, I stepped all over my tongue unsure of how to explain things. Today P brought home a book that I am quickly falling in love with called "The complete Idiot's Guide to Christian Mysteries" Ron Benrey.
I am amazed at how since I started blogging everything means something to me. Every thing triggers a memory of some unfinished business. Such a great thing! Understanding and living in faith and the Roman Catholic Church is something I have enjoyed most of my life. This is a project I will never finish, there is so much to learn and so much to do that it will be a lifes work. This is one instance that I am able to say, I have no deadline, no expectation, no person to answer to. This is my job and creation and I will be selfish occasionally with it and savor it alone, and I will share some of it. Tonights revalation is that I can make it a project and once I publish for the evening I will have a life long reminder of this projects existence.

Good night and don't forget to say your prayer's.
"An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded" Pope John Paul II

Oooooo A new old project!

So, what a great day I had. I thought I was going to have a rather bad day in procrastination world. I woke up late and the poor kiddies were still asleep, I rushed into their rooms waking them up, and letting them know we were late. I would have to drive them to school. After a few requests to leave them alone, and turn off the lights, I made the executive decision to go back to bed. I actually thought this would end up being one of those days that I would not achieve anything. I was wrong, interestingly enough I had a chat with my A.T. I had not spoken to her in a couple of weeks and called to catch up. What we spoke about brought on a challenge for both of us, it brought about a number of new projects some that we will work on together and others that we will need to do on our own. It was exciting and engaging.  The genealogy project was a project that I had set on the back burner some time ago, and kind of dabbled in here and there. I think with the help of A.T. and a few other people (even if they must be coerced) I can add that to my list of undone, and change it to a complete work. Which will answer questions, questions that have been keeping me from completing other projects. I am on track, on a mission, and am finding that if I chose one thing to focus on a day, (even if I procrastinate about another) a couple more doors open up to help me on my journey.

What have I accomplished so far?

I have made a pledge to myself and stuck to it(even if it has only been 4 days) to write everyday.

I have made a list of unfinished projects that I want to complete.

I have found a number of interesting finished bits of my work (leading me to believe it is possible for me to finish things)

I have one follower and have had one comment.

Not bad I think in four days. I have an eager desire to get started. Since I don't have enough people to vote on a writing project to start. I have decide that the first project I have a go at will be the Genealogy project. I spoke with P about it and next weekend we are going to go on a relative hunt,(actually more like a head stone hunt) but it is a start. I also spoke with A.T. about it and we will be going on a relative hunt(more like a faerie story full of made up characters hunt)in a couple of weeks to try to get some definitive answers from people who we have spent a lot of time ignoring.

What a day, this is what I call progress.

So I will wish you a good night. I am off to do some more research with the little tid-bits and snippets I received from A.T. I will leave you with this quote.

"To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing." Eva Young

Procrastination Woowoo!

Let the excuse train begin. Well, I am embarrassed to say yet again, this is the third day that I have thought about not posting and the blog is three days old. I must say it is a darn good thing I didn't think this way when I was conceiving children and other important things in my life.
Today I put off finding all of the hard copies all day for as long as I could. Then I spent time with the kiddies when they came home which is an absolutely reasonable excuse for procrastination.
So now the kiddies are all tucked into bed and I have found the hard copies, and a few more unfinished projects. I have books and drawers and bags and corners all jammed with bits of my life and ideas scribbled onto bits of paper, (I really would prefer putting it in order, and compiling some bit of work from it, before one of my kids find it while they are in therapy, and writes a compelling tale of their crazy mother) I have unfinished Crochet projects and kids craft projects and so on and so on. I believe I will end up updating the list of things I need to complete on a weekly basis, maybe on Sundays.
Anyway, I spent a bit of time reformatting and changing the description on my blog. This shouldn't be considered procrastinating, because I was spending time on the blog even if it was writing something that has already been written. Then I got thirsty and remembered that I was planning to open a bottle of wine, but I don't have any. My fiance reminded me that we have a sparkling bottle in the fridge. Actually the lovely stuff was purchased by my very best friend in the whole world in my whole life. She brought it over on Christmas, and I don't know why we didn't open it then, so here's to you Ms. M.P. you know who you are Cheers!  P. and I are having a few glasses, I am celebrating the fact that I finally got something done about these projects, and he is enjoying the flavor. I wish you and Z were here to share the birth of my blog. Ha Ha, and although you are not, I want you to know that you played a very important part in this blogging experience, adding one more reason to procrastinate with your beautiful bottle of Belcanto DiBellussi.

Now having filled myself with the social lubricant, as P calls it. I must put forth a question. Although I have no followers at all. I know of not one soul who reads my blog yet,(no insult to you P. because you are my fiance you have to read it) I am hoping that I get a bunch of readers tonight, even if it is family and friends, because I don't think I should be the one that picks what  project gets done first.  I am going to list the informal project titles without telling you what they are, I want everyone to tell me by name what they would choose to finish first.

1. The Art of Madness
2. Herself has crossed the line
3. Memories of Lace
4. Morpheous and Emily
5. Banshee or Faerie in the lane

If everyone picks one of the five and leaves a message for me I will choose the project with the most votes to start. As I was going through my hard copies, I found snippets of sentences even. The worst thing I found is novels with no character sketches or outlines. I feel like I am starting from scratch. The really good ideas of course, are still present in my head. On the other hand I found some awesome poetry that I don't even remember writing, but its good.  All right I think I am done for the evening so I am going to do some research now and find me some followers.  

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Second thoughts!

So you see! This is my life and always has been. I spent a large part of today thinking about deleting the blog. I tried to justify this by saying to myself, "if I add one more thing to my to do list I will never get anything done." I have to focus and complete, I have to keep myself engaged and applied to the tasks at hand, so I am now swearing for as long as it takes me to complete my life long list of unfinished tasks, I will blog about it. It will be nice at some point to have people who would think it a laugh to follow me fumbling day after day to complete things and check off project after project on my list. A bit of encouragement. I am after all the most organized, creative and dedicated person my family and friends know. If only I could apply those qualities to my direct life and what makes me happy I would think of myself as a big success. Having a few followers and reading comments would be exciting and help me stay on track. Let me see if I can make my blog interesting enough to accomplish this.

So here is the big list, the unfinished business of my life. My intentions and purpose that I keep putting aside for NO GOOD REASON.

1. Novel

2. Art (series of paintings about motherhood)

3. Starting a bake shop

4. Organizing poetry and short stories from my childhood through to adult pieces.

5. Develop the ideas for the Fairy story, the ill artist story, and the non fiction.

6. Write the story about my daughters adventures with her imaginary friend.

7. Hold a workshop for women.

8. Compile the info and research for the mom and me report.

9. Compile the info and research for the corporate mommy report.

I am sure this list will grow as I come across other unfinished projects. There it is though in black and white, I can't back out once I publish this post. I will need to set goals and a time line and try to stick to it. I think my first goal will be to assemble the hard copies of all of the above projects and organize them into a workable mountain.

It will be fun and give me a purpose, I am looking forward to the journey, it is necessary.

Day One

So let start by saying that as creatively wonderful as my family tells me I am, I have never completed any thing longer than a bit of poetry, or a short story. So i want to get back to a number of things, ideas, projects, novels, all of the little things I have left undone. I must follow through on them, so if I am blogging maybe I will keep track of it and follow through. First project is to make a list of all the projects that I have not completed. Drop by tomorrow for the exciting revelations of all the hidden unfinished that I have hiding in all of my corners.