Two in one day?

Wow, what on earth is going on? I have gone from skipping days to writing twice in one day. Woohoo, is it that I have become a workaholic? Quite the contrary actually. I have a million things to do and I am procrastinating. I have tucked the kiddies into bed, two of the older kiddies are watching t.v. and on a laptop. Hubby is on his computer working. I could be working, cleaning, doing laundry, or even organizing my recipes, these are all things on my to do list. I want to write though. I don't want to stop.

P. and I were talking the other day about being kids and running. We spoke about that great feeling you get when you are kid, running so fast that you think you could fly; or fall on your face. I remember it quite vividly. Running down a hillside, going faster and faster, and thinking that I wouldn't be able to stop if I wanted to, but if I  ran any faster I would fall for sure. I remember the excited shrieks coming from my mouth. I can feel my feet pounding the ground the momentum carrying me so quickly that I thought for sure I would fall head over feet at any moment. I remember falling to the ground at the bottom of the hill, in a crumpled heap of giggling me! Giggling and laughing so hard that it was hard for me to catch my breath, and harder for the people around me to tell if I was laughing or crying.

This is how it has been for me and writing the past three of four weeks. I get an idea, and I start writing, and I run with it. It happens so fast, my fingers start typing. I am thinking so quickly, and my fingers start flying. My heart starts pounding in my chest and I am going faster and faster and I wouldn't be able to stop if I wanted to, but if I type any faster I will trip over my fingers, break the concentration, loose the idea. Once I have poured it all out and taken time to edit (yes I do edit myself, it will get better) I find myself in that same giddy place, that place at the bottom of the hill as a little girl. Laughing sometimes so hard that I can't even tell if I am laughing or crying.

I wonder if this means I am crazy; I have thought about it which, I thinks makes me sane. Just like reading one of my own poems years later can give me a different feeling from when I wrote it. I don't know how reading my own work can invoke such happiness or sadness, sympathy or anything really, if I wrote it? I think what happens is  I must be really detached from the feelings in a lot of my writing. Just like when I was a little girl and detached myself from my feelings of fear, to only include excitement as I ran down a hill. I get so excited about a great thought or idea or part of a book, it all plays out in my head. How to describe it and catch the moment. It's all a part of the idea, so there is no feeling involved aside from the excitement of getting it down on paper.

Procrastination comes in many forms and is used at convenient times. I find now, it is like an old friend, it allows me to rest and build up momentum. I use procrastination to climb to the top of a hill so that I can run down it full steam ahead, laughing giggling and falling into a crumpled heap of me!