Euphoria

I had a day planned last week. It was one of those days that I thought I would not have much choice in. My seven year old S. had an appointment at the orthodontist to put an expander in. His orthodontist is in east Toronto I live in Burlington. So I made the appointment as early in the day as I could and called my oldest daughter R. who also lives in Toronto hoping she would have the day free and I could take the kids and meet R. and granddaughter M. at the beach.

As it turns out she had nothing planned so on Friday morning, I made sandwiches, cut up some fruit and packed the cooler. Off we went.

I was on the highway driving and the kids all 4 of them in the back of the van were in a great groove, playing and talking quietly, I had said a pleasant goodbye to hubby before I left, and I felt pretty good.

All of a sudden my heart started pounding, I felt a little shaky and wasn't sure what was happening. It was a feeling that I usually associate with anxiety, when there is a lot of cleaning hanging over my head, or a task at work that has not been completed, or when there is a month with an unusual amount of bills. As the feeling settled and came and went it was quickly replaced with a warm glowing feeling inside, rather than the normal scanning of everything in my brain to figure out what was causing the anxiety. I realized it was not anxiety but euphoria, an exuberance for my situation in life at this moment.

It was a wonderful, fantastic, and rare feeling, I almost burst into tears. I was in love, had all my work done, my home was in good shape, my children were happy and I had nothing to worry about! How odd; but wonderful.

I sent hubby a text telling him how much I loved him, and how I was feeling. I was almost overwhelmed, I turned and looked at the kids in the back seat and told them how wonderful they were.

When we set up on the beach, sitting there with my oldest daughter, I tried to explain to her this feeling and how happy I was with life in general. I really wanted to share it with her, I was loving the water and the sand and the sun and the wind. It was so fantastic. It has taken me so long in life to get to a point where my happiness is a general everyday feeling, and where I have spiritual moments when if feels like God is tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "glad to see you are finally enjoying what I have made for you."

That physical feeling that I often associate with stress and anxiety will never mean the same thing again. I think I had a wake up call this summer. A spiritual dipping in life. I am finding peace and serenity, not in meditation and quiet and loneliness, but in my family and sharing happiness with them.

It has been a fantastic summer of small adventures and moments of laughter and happiness, probably not much different from other summers. For some reason, my mind and heart have opened up to the experiences and I am taking from them, not just creating them for other people, but participating and living the happiness that I want for all of my loved ones.

I wish I could bottle it and teach it. I know so many moms who get caught up in day to day chores, and things that have to be done, they plug along achieving everything that needs to be done, and doing everything in their power to make everyone around them happy.

I have done that and more, because I am able to feel it and enjoy, I don't need to stand back and take a look at how everyone is doing. I know they are well and doing fine, because so am I.