Maybe not everything is a task to be completed.

 I am always thinking that I  have a lot of things to say. I also believe that not much of what I say is particularly  important to anyone. I am afraid to come across as a know it all. That does not keep me from speaking, most certainly when people would rather not have my two cents. It is always after I have spoken that I think, maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, or maybe they already knew that. Thus the title of the blog, it is not because my singing is terrible or because I have some secretive vice that I will eventually reveal. It is simply that although I believe I have a lot to say, and that most of it is helpful, informative, educational, or much needed, I more often than not after speaking, feel I should possibly have kept my opinion to myself.
I remember being very young and getting in trouble repeatedly for speaking up or out, and also getting in trouble for not speaking on some occasions that I should have.
I sometimes start a conversation on a topic that I know a lot about, but then once in a conversation about it, I run into trouble because although I know what I am talking about and what I am thinking, I couldn't explain it correctly if someone were to offer me money.
So having a blog was a great outlet for my voice, my vice. A person may take it or leave it. I can say what I want, what I believe and my opinion and if someone chooses to read it that is great and if they don't, well then I don't have to worry that I have just held someone captive, who literally needed rescue or escape because they were not engaged or just not interested in what I had to say and too polite to speak up and excuse themselves.
For me this is a horror. I want people to like, no love, what I write. I would not want someone to read my work because of a feeling of obligation. I really do want to engage people and impress them with interesting and different views of the world.
Having said that I am touching on a topic today that scares many people away. The reason I write about it even though it may narrow my audience, is because it is such a big part of my life and such an important part of many peoples lives. I am talking about religion, and faith. In particular the Roman Catholic faith. I was speaking to my daughter R. yesterday and we spoke about a book she has been reading and wanted me to read it's called "Eat Pray Love" the author is Elizabeth Gilbert. The book is about a womans journey to find herself and develop her faith. I have not read it yet but I think I will. This reminded me of a project/journey that I started about 10 or so years ago. Looking for answers in my life and my faith. I wanted to study Catholicism and what it meant to me. I knew what I believed, I just had to be able to put it in words. I wanted to be able to back up what I said, and believed, in a theologically sound, well educated and sophisticated way. Once again trying to turn my voice into something used for good instead of it being my vice.
P and I had a conversation last night about the rosary and how it is used and I told him that my favorite prayer was St. Patrick's prayer or the Breastplate Prayer. We spoke about the mysteries of the rosary, and once again as I was trying to explain them to him, I stepped all over my tongue unsure of how to explain things. Today P brought home a book that I am quickly falling in love with called "The complete Idiot's Guide to Christian Mysteries" Ron Benrey.
I am amazed at how since I started blogging everything means something to me. Every thing triggers a memory of some unfinished business. Such a great thing! Understanding and living in faith and the Roman Catholic Church is something I have enjoyed most of my life. This is a project I will never finish, there is so much to learn and so much to do that it will be a lifes work. This is one instance that I am able to say, I have no deadline, no expectation, no person to answer to. This is my job and creation and I will be selfish occasionally with it and savor it alone, and I will share some of it. Tonights revalation is that I can make it a project and once I publish for the evening I will have a life long reminder of this projects existence.

Good night and don't forget to say your prayer's.
"An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded" Pope John Paul II